


The One With the Bacon Condoms

by KillerQueen80



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-28
Updated: 2013-05-28
Packaged: 2017-12-13 05:05:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/820322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KillerQueen80/pseuds/KillerQueen80
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Puck gives Blaine flavored condoms.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The One With the Bacon Condoms

**  
  
**“Blaine, what’s taking so long?” Kurt calls from the bedroom. Blaine can hear him moving around, and Blaine knows Kurt is getting undressed, in a hurry because Rachel and Santana will be home from the movies soon. And while Rachel would politely ignore them, and pretend not to hear anything, Santana would probably make popcorn and park herself right outside of Kurt’s room and narrate their sex.

  
  
 ** He knows that because she’s done it before.  **

  


** Unfortunately, Blaine’s going to have to go back into Kurt’s room and tell him that no, he didn’t pack any condoms. Which means that he’s either going to have to sneak into Rachel’s room and see if Brody left any behind, or they’re going to have to do something else. He knows they could still get off, but, well, he and Kurt had been apart for weeks after getting back together, and he misses the feeling of Kurt being inside him.  **

  


** Blaine closes his suitcase and starts to go back towards Kurt’s room when he remembers something he threw in his messenger bag. He grabs his bag, sticks his hand in and grabs the small box. It’s a long shot, but it’s worth a try. **

  


** *********************** **

** “Absolutely not.”  **

  


** “But Kurt, it’s either this, or we have to wait until tomorrow.”  **

  


** “Then we’ll wait until tomorrow. We can do something else. I’ll blow you, but there is no way I’m wearing a bacon condom. No. Way.”  **

  


** “But, Kuuuurt,” Blaine knows he’s whining, but he really wanted Kurt to fuck him tonight. **

  


** Kurt is holding the box between his thumb and index finger, looking down at the box like it’s personally offended him.  **

  


** “Make your meat look like meat. Hell. To. The. No. You’re lucky I don’t break up with you right now for owning something like this. Why do you even have this? I know I said I liked it when you talked fratty, but this is a step too far. Did Sam give you these? Because I could see Brittany being okay with this-” **

  


** “Puck gave them to me. I don’t even know why he had them, he can’t eat pork, and I don’t think it’s supposed to be turkey bacon.”  **

  


** Kurt gapes at Blaine, “This is what you're concerned about, whether the bacon lube is kosher for Puck?” Kurt spits out bacon lube like he can’t believe he’s even using those words in a sentence.  **

  


** “I don’t know, I thought it was funny at first. I didn’t really have any intention of using them, but then you didn’t have any condoms, and I forgot to bring mine, and I really, really want you to fuck me.”  **

  


** “Well, tomorrow, we’ll go buy some real condoms. Or you can sneak into Rachel’s room, and risk being traumatized by searching through her drawers, because Santana told me that she has a pink glittery vibrator, and I promised myself that I would go to the grave having never seen that monstrosity, but since you’ve traumatized me by bringing bacon flavored condoms into my apartment, than you can deal with the trauma of Rachel’s vibrator.”  **

  


** Blaine flops down on the bed and throws his arm over his eyes. **

  


** “Forget it. Can we just cuddle now?”  **

  


** “Might as well. I’ve completely lost it.”  **

  


** Kurt rolls over and wraps an arm around Blaine’s waist. **

  


** “I am curious about one thing though.”  **

  


** Blaine rolls over to face Kurt and waits for him to continue. **

  


** “Do you think the lube really tastes like bacon? You should taste one.”  **

  


** “Um, okay,” Blaine reaches for Kurt’s belt buckle, but Kurt grabs his wrist. **

  


** “You’re not putting it on me. I don’t want my junk smelling like bacon. Just take one out of the package and lick it.”  **

  


** “Come on, Kurt, please? You get a blow job out of the deal.”  **

  


** “I don’t need or want a blow job bad enough to wear one of those. Maybe something classy, like an tropical fruit flavor, but bacon reminds me too much of my father and Finn.”  **

  


** “Well, now that’s ruined, I might as well taste this.”  **

  


** As Blaine pulls the condom out of the package and opens his mouth to taste it, Santana and Rachel walk in.  **

  


** Rachel stops, shakes her head and then goes straight to her room. Santana, on the other hand, stands there with her hand on her hips. **

  


** Blaine facepalms. He is never going to live this down.  **


End file.
